Rest

I have a lot of trouble in that area. Just letting go. I am pretty good at trusting what God puts on my heart about so many things, but rest I have issues with. I hear Him tell me to sit down. Forget about that for tonight. Trust Me that it will all work out and get finished. And yet, I whir around doing too many things at once, often unable to fullly enjoy anything, though I would if I took it more slowly. I think started to develop bad habits in college when I was forced to read ten books and write several papers all at once in order to fulfill all requirements for this, that or the other, plus pursue whatever I was interested in at the time. Once I had children, it only got worse, as I wanted to "work" (the farm) but also be mom, and do things I have always considered fun, like crafts and thrifting. Here lately it has become very apparent that I need to slow down. I have been stressing over getting our garden in. I keep forgetting that I am growing for basically one household this year (I am just lumping us together, here, Sar) and there really isn't a timeline. When things come, they come. My goal is simply to be able to feed my family through until next growing season mostly on what we grow this summer. It doesn't really matter all that much when stuff starts showing up, yet I stress, which led to me almost killing just about every plant I had started by them getting blown over on the patio the other day. I forget how much I have already accomplished and how young I still am, and so rush to get so many things now. It isn't that I'm impatient-it is that I feel like I will run out of time. I can't do just one thing at a time. Recently (and I must add do not try this at home-I have years of experience, whether I should or not, and I really shouldn't be doing it, either) my husband and sister pointed out just how ridiculous I get. I was driving down the road, talking on the cell phone, eating a taco salad and trying to rescue a drippy ice cream cone from one of my kids in the back seat. Yeah. Not good. My sister looked at me and told me to stop. But. I. Don't. Know. How. How do I just sit down with my husband for the night and watch tv. I can't. I don't particularly like to watch tv all that much, so I tend to crochet while he watches. Not that bad, but then I notice the laptop and pull up a website, then its five sites (love those tabs!), then I see a book I started and am looking at that, glancing at sites, talking with hubby, kind of watching tv and crocheting all at once, plus trying to keep kids in line. I just need to slow down. My goals for the rest of this year involve eating and feeding the family the way I should (waaaaay too much sugar coming through those mouths here lately) and slowing down. I love something called the Slow Food Movement which involves growing and working with nature and heirloom variety foods the way it used to be. I think I need to start the Slow Mom Movement. Limit my activities. Stay home more. Say no more. Not stress so much about things, but let God direct traffic around here more. Not worry so much about the messy house. And the number one thing is going to be to not work on weekends. That one will be hard. It is difficult because Andrew is home those days and it tends to be the only time we can get some big projects done. But, with the camper and some strict rules, I should be able to do it. Enjoyable things I need to limit to one at a time. Just the book. Just the yarn project. I also need to make some sort of routine up for housework. I didn't like the flylady. She just didn't get it all done the way I like. I LOVE a clean, organized house. Everything should have its place. I am working on getting more clutter stored, tossed or repurposed, which greatly helps in keeping the house clean. I love to hang out laundry, so doing that every morning is a joy. Putting it away stinks, though, so I will have to make a time just for that each week. LIttle things adding up to clean house is the goal, it will just be a learning process. And the farm stuff has to have specific times, as well, otherwise I totally overdo it. Getting a few more tools and contraptions for that should help, but in the meantime I just need to let go. And breathe. In. Out. In. Out. Feeling better already...