So today is not really going all that well. Not that I've had gads of great days as of late. I am just incredibly stressed and totally exhausted. We agreed to move out here to help Papa H out.
Unfortunately, it seems that the rest of his family doesn't know how or just doesn't want to be as involved. I don't know which.
My dad passed away a few years ago. I still have those times when I go to pick up the phone to call him or want to swing by to see if he wants to grab something to eat. In other words, I miss him. Taking care of Papa H and giving him more time than I was able to give my own father when he was alive and needed me only makes me more upset and stressed at my current situation.
I also am upset because it puts my children in a tough spot. We have to be in that stupid van more than I would ever like to be. Superboy starts crying as soon as we get in. And he is a very happy baby. Then on what would be our days off, Papa H manages to find very poor reasons to go somewhere. He is definitely showing signs of decline. Sigh. I, it seems, am his primary caretaker. It is a terribly difficult role to fill. I do this all out of duty for my husband. I love Papa H, but to be a full-time mother and someone who needs as much help as Papa H does primary caregiver is a lot for one person. It isn't that I can't do it, it is a question of how long I can do it.
Other family has some options for helping, but as of right now, doesn't feel that they should act on them. I don't know what is holding them up. I just hope that something changes soon.
Then, you add the fact that Superboy thinks he doesn't need a nap today, Pony Gal doesn't think she needs to listen, yet another chick has fallen prey to its peers, my house is a mess, I need to dry diapers, I need to plant starts, I need to plant seeds, I NEED SLEEP, I am mysteriously gaining weight, most likely from overeating because I eat when I NEED SLEEP and am stressed, hubby wants to mushroom hunt, lots of money just went into seemingly sound new/used vehicle, Pony Gal and Superboy already pick at each other, my back hurts (although the muscle stuff from Prairieland Herbs helps immensely), I want to finish some baby gifts I have been working on, and I just plain need a little me time.
And guess what will get done? Be fixed? Maybe the diapers.
I need more than anything some of this "daddy" responsibility spread out. I need my Tues, Thurs and weekends to be off limits. I am hoping it gets easier as he goes to PD at home.